Posts Tagged ‘weight’

I can change

In Uncategorized on January 17, 2013 at 9:49 am



This week I have really demonstrated that to myself. My usual Sunday was not spent eating. I reorganized my closet, cooked a soup, ate a nice moderate dinner and didn’t snack. It was the exact behavior I have been aiming for. From all of the books I read about habit and change, I have to believe I CAN CHANGE. Which I know I can. You must also put in the effort.

This week is a bit tougher. While I am no longer commuting, I am downtown in a city. The last time I was there working I was 10 pounds lighter. I KNOW this is irrelevant but two winters ago, my coats fit better. Things looked better. Not that I was able to hide during my commute, but I feel more exposed. I want to look nicer. So I’ve been feeling a bit down about my body. and Lack of progress or rather slow progress. I have tried to avoid the snacks but today I ate candy. Not a ton. But i had four mini candy, had handful of peanut mm’s x 2, handful of regular mm’x, sour patch x2 servings and some goldfish


oh and some trail mix and mixed nuts

THATS A LOT. Jeez how to people eat normally? I mean things add up quickly. Well I finally stopped. Instead of resigning to a full out binge, I went running. For an hour. Which was hard. But rewarding and great.

I work so hard to setup my healthy behavior. I’ve made working out a priority and SUCH a good habit. I cook my meals. I like to eat clean. But it’s the old emotional habits that stump me. I knew this week at work things would be slow, it would be an adjustment period, the office is quieter. Those are all triggers for me. I have a really hard time with the quiet boredom.┬á

And my jeans are tight

and its COLD and I dont have cute warm flattering clothes

And i feel anxious about work. New territory. New comp plan. I want the ability to negotiate base. ANXIOUS I won’t get what I want. Scared about potential hours

But despite all of this I have made relatively good choices. I’m frustrated because it’s slow to move. Because losing weight is hard and it sucks and Im still pissed I PUT ALL OF IT BACK ON. Slow surely added more and more weight to my body

After this lesson. I am not repeating this mistake. They say you are doomed to repeat mistakes until you learn from them. I really hope and believe this is the last and final time.

Now, I have to be patient. I have to be understanding and nurturing of myself. I have to reward myself for the smart little choices I make along the way. And I really REALLY have to stay away from the candy. MY TRIGGER I am learning is a MID morning snack which makes me full before lunch, yet I’m still hungry around lunch so I eat and I’m full and I feel fat and my jeans are tight. NOW I know that eating more isnt the answer, but it’s a temporary high/relief from the feelings. But it’s really not. I just have to take a deep breathe. Drink HOT tea. and move on

A positive attitude will make this worthwhile as well

Small consistent changes. Progress. Not perfection. Self love. Giving yourself a break. Positive self talk. Making the best NEXT choice.

I’m getting there

TIme to read and go to bed early ­čÖé Another good decision.


Today was a really good day

In Uncategorized on January 13, 2013 at 7:47 am

Sometimes I get scared that I will never grow out of my old behavior. My desire to drink all day because everyone else is doing it. My love for BOYS and dating a variety of men. My habit of overeating.
But today was a glimpse into who I really am and who I am growing into. I slept in. I enjoyed my morning coffee where I formulated my plan for the day. There are a few big football games on today and I know there would be a TON of drinking all over the city. But for once I had no desire to participate. I wanted to spend time taking care of myself and doing what I set out to do.

I had a good long sweaty workout. I can’t wait to get my┬áheart-rate┬ámonitor by the way because it will be interesting to see just how much I burn with my workouts.┬á

I created a 21 day habit changing┬ácalendar. Now I know I’ve done this sort of thing before. Vowed to make final changes. But this time with the accumulation of the medicine, the year of therapy and belief that I know what needs to be done. I know what my body wants. I think this is where I will change for good. Its time to drop this bad behavior off for good. Our SF office opened. I will no longer be commuting. It’s a new leaf. It is the last year of my twenties. I want to live the life I was intended to live. The life in the body that isn’t suffering from abuse. I want to love myself. I want to take care and nurture myself the right way. I want to stop the obsession with food. Yes, it’s likely I will have to watch what I eat for the rest of my life. Yes, it’s likely my weight will yo yo within a few pounds over life. But stuffing myself. Torturing myself with purposeful weight gain. Making myself sick. Physically emotionally and mentality is going to stop. Not to mention, why why torture myself in the mirror. Always looking at that reflection and wondering why didn’t I say no last week. Why did I binge last night. Why did I make myself ill and sad just because I was feeling lonely, bored, sad. A craving is usually fleeting. You can get through it all.

Anyway that was the morning ­čÖé

I spent the rest of the day shopping! Brand new workout clothes and cute stuff from my favorite cheap store ­čÖé They are stepping up their stuff!

I went to visit my best girlfriend at her store

then I came home to cook a DELICIOUS meal: Loaded chicken salad. Basically it’s chicken, sweet potato, brussel sprouts roasted tossed in mustard/mayo/garlic sauce. It was filling and delicious and hearty. This is how you should eat

Now I am unwinding drinking delicious coffee before the birthday party tonight. This evening poses a risk bc I am not in my ideal shape. It might suck. I might not meet any guys or get ANY attention. I might drink too much.
BUT it’s my chance to cross day one off the 21 day calander. I can come home and nurture and listen to my body and give it what it needs and wants. Which will likely be sleep

MODERATION is the mantra of this year

Slow down Maria Calm down and slow down

You are loved and beautiful and special

Tomorrow I want to get some sleep, cook a vegetable soup and hit up the container store. I think I know EXACTLY what I need for my closet organization and IM EXCITED. My date from Thur wants to see me again…but I am not excited. I feel like I SHOULD give him another chance, but my GUT is telling me I am not attracted to him. at all

but why is it the classy smart nice guys don’t have the sex appeal. I’m always chasing the ones who are lame. But I’m changing that. Looking for the package like me. Kind, cultured, smart,well mannered and good looking

We’ll see about┬átomorrow┬áwith this guy

Anywho I’m off to get ready soon


OH so the point of this was I spent the day doing what I needed for myself. LISTEN TO YOURSELF AND BODY 

you will be steered right