Sometimes I get scared that I will never grow out of my old behavior. My desire to drink all day because everyone else is doing it. My love for BOYS and dating a variety of men. My habit of overeating.
But today was a glimpse into who I really am and who I am growing into. I slept in. I enjoyed my morning coffee where I formulated my plan for the day. There are a few big football games on today and I know there would be a TON of drinking all over the city. But for once I had no desire to participate. I wanted to spend time taking care of myself and doing what I set out to do.
I had a good long sweaty workout. I can’t wait to get my heart-rate monitor by the way because it will be interesting to see just how much I burn with my workouts.
I created a 21 day habit changing calendar. Now I know I’ve done this sort of thing before. Vowed to make final changes. But this time with the accumulation of the medicine, the year of therapy and belief that I know what needs to be done. I know what my body wants. I think this is where I will change for good. Its time to drop this bad behavior off for good. Our SF office opened. I will no longer be commuting. It’s a new leaf. It is the last year of my twenties. I want to live the life I was intended to live. The life in the body that isn’t suffering from abuse. I want to love myself. I want to take care and nurture myself the right way. I want to stop the obsession with food. Yes, it’s likely I will have to watch what I eat for the rest of my life. Yes, it’s likely my weight will yo yo within a few pounds over life. But stuffing myself. Torturing myself with purposeful weight gain. Making myself sick. Physically emotionally and mentality is going to stop. Not to mention, why why torture myself in the mirror. Always looking at that reflection and wondering why didn’t I say no last week. Why did I binge last night. Why did I make myself ill and sad just because I was feeling lonely, bored, sad. A craving is usually fleeting. You can get through it all.
Anyway that was the morning 🙂
I spent the rest of the day shopping! Brand new workout clothes and cute stuff from my favorite cheap store 🙂 They are stepping up their stuff!
I went to visit my best girlfriend at her store
then I came home to cook a DELICIOUS meal: Loaded chicken salad. Basically it’s chicken, sweet potato, brussel sprouts roasted tossed in mustard/mayo/garlic sauce. It was filling and delicious and hearty. This is how you should eat
Now I am unwinding drinking delicious coffee before the birthday party tonight. This evening poses a risk bc I am not in my ideal shape. It might suck. I might not meet any guys or get ANY attention. I might drink too much.
BUT it’s my chance to cross day one off the 21 day calander. I can come home and nurture and listen to my body and give it what it needs and wants. Which will likely be sleep
MODERATION is the mantra of this year
Slow down Maria Calm down and slow down
You are loved and beautiful and special
Tomorrow I want to get some sleep, cook a vegetable soup and hit up the container store. I think I know EXACTLY what I need for my closet organization and IM EXCITED. My date from Thur wants to see me again…but I am not excited. I feel like I SHOULD give him another chance, but my GUT is telling me I am not attracted to him. at all
but why is it the classy smart nice guys don’t have the sex appeal. I’m always chasing the ones who are lame. But I’m changing that. Looking for the package like me. Kind, cultured, smart,well mannered and good looking
We’ll see about tomorrow with this guy
Anywho I’m off to get ready soon
OH so the point of this was I spent the day doing what I needed for myself. LISTEN TO YOURSELF AND BODY
you will be steered right
kisses
Chic-Lit Meets Real Life 